Myths / Reality Myth: RAPE is sex. Reality: Rape is a crime motivated by a need to control, humiliate and harm. Rapists use sexual assault as a weapon to hurt and dominate others. Myth: Rape is a crime committed by strangers jumping out of bushes or in dark alleys. Reality: People who know their victims commit more than 80% of rapes. Rapes often occur in the house of either the perpetrator or victim. Myth: Only women can be victims of sexual violence. Reality: Although the majority of rape victims are women, and in fact women are 10 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault than men, many men are victims of sexual assault every year. Myth: Only heterosexual women get battered. Men are never victims of domestic violence and women do not abuse. Reality: Men can be, and are, abused by their girlfriends, wives, or male partners, although the data from domestic violence programs indicate that 95% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men against women. Myth: Domestic violence is more common in heterosexual relationships than in lesbian or gay male relationships. Reality: 1 in 4 lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people are battered by a partner. All statistical data and estimates of same sex domestic violence are proportionate to heterosexual domestic violence statistics. Myth: It isn’t really violence when a same sex couple fights. It is just a lover’s quarrel and a fair fight between equals. It isn’t really violence at all when gay men fight; it is just boys being boys. Reality: In 47% of the LGBT domestic violence cases reported to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs the victims were lesbian and bisexual women, 48% were gay and bisexual men, and 3% were transgender (either homosexual, or heterosexual). [In 2% of cases, the gender of victim was unknown]. Myth: If a victim isn't a virgin, he or she can't be raped. Reality: A victim's sexual history has nothing to do with a case of rape. A victim could even have had sex with his or her attacker at an earlier time and could still be raped by them. Myth: Victims of rape often ask to be raped by the way they are acting or the way that they dress. Reality: Nobody asks to be raped no matter how he or she is dressed or how he or she is acting. The way an individual behaves is his or her choice, and it is never justification for an individual to be sexually assaulted. Myth: The only way a rapist can really force a person to have intercourse is by using a weapon. Reality: A “weapon” such as a knife or gun is just one type of force rapists use to control their victims. More common than knives or guns is the use of verbal abuse, physical force, psychological pressure, intimidation and/or making sure the victim is drunk, or drugged, so that she doesn’t know what is happening to her. Myth: Women or men who don't actually fight back physically have not been raped. Reality: A woman or man might not fight back for any number of reasons, including feeling it is not safe to do so. This does not mean that the victim is giving consent. Myth: If a date pays for dinner or a movie, then sex is expected as “pay-back”. Reality: A person doesn't have to do anything in return for a date, especially have sex against her or his will. Myth: When a person says "no", she or he really means "maybe". Reality: Although mixed messages can be given, when a person says ”no” she/he means “no”. Never assume that “no” means anything else but “no” and, if in doubt, ask. Myth: If a person goes to another person's room and "makes out,” it means that she/he wants to have sex. Reality: Just because a person goes to another's room or “makes out” does not necessarily mean that she/he wants to have sex. People can want to "fool around" without wanting to actually have intercourse. Myth: If a woman or man has passed out because of excessive alcohol, it is okay to have sex with her/him. Reality: If someone is unconscious she/he is unable to give consent; therefore having sex with her/him would be rape. Myth: If the attacker is drunk at the time of the assault then he/she cannot be accused of sexual assault. Reality: The attacker is responsible for his/her actions no matter how intoxicated he/she is. Being drunk is not an excuse to force sex on someone against her/his will.